First Serial Post: Communication Revolution (or "Why Cell Phones are the Best Thing EVAR!!!"

From the dawn of time, man has felt the need to keep in touch with friends and family. Instantaneous communication over long distances began with Adam and Eve throwing different colored fruits into the air over the garden of Eden to send messages.

Lengthy research has given us clues as to what the different airborne fruits communicated. When flung above the garden's canopy, a red apple meant, "Hello. How are you." A green apple typically meant, "I'm fine, a little chilly (I'm naked), but I'm fine." A green banana meant, "Look busy, God is coming." A yellow banana meant, "Can you give me a ride to the store?" A peeled banana meant, "Watch your step when you come over here."

Since that time, many advances have revolutionized long-distance communications. Smoke signals, the Pony Express, and the invention of the telephone have all made profound changes in the way we keep in touch. It wasn't long after Bell's first phone call, that people were yearning for more freedom. They longed to cut the wires that bound them to their land-line telephones, and before you could say, "self-important," the cell phone was vibrating in every yuppie's fanny pack.

The beauty of the cell phone was that you could be reached at any time, no matter where you were. Out of town? No problem. At the movies? In class? Church? Surgery? None of these places can keep you out of the loop. You'll find out the minute your friend sees a three-legged dog precariously squatting to relieve itself. You'll know immediately when your buddy's a little drunk and has decided to scroll through his contacts.

I haven't even touched on all of the wonderful implications of mobile phone technology. I would be remiss to overlook text messaging. Friends and families can now send each other short, typed messages, 160 characters at a time, to make conversations that could have happened in a matter of seconds last for a glorious 10 minutes of thumb-blistering button tapping. The best part of all this, is that you can do it all in the car, even driving in rush-hour traffic. Give yourself a break from minding the hazards of the road and looking for bicyclists to text a buddy about your dinner plans. That's the beauty of the cell phone.

For all of its benefits, the cell phone revolution has brought about some negative societal norms. I'll be discussing those in part II of this series "Vibrate Mode Totally Sucks,"(due out within a week).

Thanks again for reading. I know you're just bored at work, but pretend you could had LOTS of other things to do and that this is becoming a needed distraction