Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Press Release 8-28-08

In the spirit of full disclosure, in order to maintain an air of openness and transparency in my campaign, I feel it important for you to know that I own exactly zero homes. After some research into the matter, with some help from my closest staffers, I came up with this figure. It is the most current figure and has remained unchanged since I was born.

In this day of the 24-hour news cycle and the blogoshpere, I know that had I not produced this figure myself, at this time, I would have been lampooned for making an errant estimation. While, in my day to day affairs, it is sometimes easy to lose track of my nonexistent properties, I assure you that I am in touch with the American voter, as I have never been able to afford more than zero homes, and I will remain in this financial stratum for the foreseeable future.

There were those in my high school band who accused me of being out of touch, because my trumpet was silver. My friends, let me assure you that that was a gift that counted for both Christmas and birthday that year. And, if you'll allow me, when you're good, you're good.

Rest assured, I remain firmly in the middle class. And, if I ever do win the lotery, I will not forget the plight of the rest of you suckers.


There's this music snob show on NPR called "Sound Opinions." During the show one of the hosts always gets to add a song to their "Desert Island Jukebox." I'm going to copy this idea, because I like it and so the first song that goes on my Desert Island Jukebox is Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, by Paul Simon. I'm not saying this is the best song in the history of songs, but it does feature two of my favorite musical artists in one song (Ladysmith Black Mambazo & Simon), it is upbeat (if I'm only getting one song to start with), and I could probably kill a good number of hours making up a great dance to the horn break.

I'd like to hear your recommendations too. I'll add to my jukebox next time I post.

Thanks for humoring me.


Bryan said...

I saw Ladysmith in Lincoln, Neb; fun show, though I don't think they played any 'Graceland' songs.

I'll recommend you don't have along "High and Dry" by Radiohead while on a desert isle. It's a downer song and while on the island you'd want to be high and dry, where they sing about not being so.

Sarah said...

You've got my vote! I too have zero homes, so I think that you can really relate to me and other poor losers like me.

Jon said...

I can say for sure that I own zero full homes, however, like John McCain I do have some money tied up in investment properties so I would have to do some research before I feel comfortable telling you I own "EXACTLY" a certain number of homes...

Sadly, I don't know that I'm going to be able to support you in your bid for election, I feel like we just don't have enough in common. Sorry Josh.

Susannah said...

ooh I love that cd. My favorite Paul Simon one has to be late in the evening though! Gotta add that one.