Guest blogger: Benjamin Franklin

Dear Reader-
I have cometh to ye in the ftead of my good friend, Jofhua. He hath requefted that I act af a gueft "blogger" fo that he may reft and enjoy a fabbath for hif leifure, and fo that he may alfo make hafte in finding a worthy mother to continue the Myerf line.

Given that I waf a founding father of thif great nation, and given that I waf quite fucceffful* with the ladief, I have feen fit to give Jofhua fome inftruction to follow whilft he fearcheth for a mate:

1) Fearch the countryfide hi and low for a woman of ample bofom fo that fhe may feed your fon and let not hif stomach hunger for the milk of hif mother'f breaft.

2) You muft firft, feek the approval of the young miaden'f father. Without hif approval, ye will be forced to elope, and if that be the cafe, you can fay "Good Morrow" to your dowery.

3) Findeth a maiden with a huge dowery, that which can only be challenged in fize by her ample bofom.

4) Fometimef, you may have the approval of the maiden'f father, but fhe may ftill be unwilling to marry you. If the apple of your eye refufef to marry you, confider fathering an illegitimate child with her. Your chencef of gaining her hand in marriage will increafe greatly af her family will want to avoid the humiliation of raifing a baftard child.

5) If all elfe failf, I have heard from Fteve, the town crier that the cat lady who liveth on Archer ftreet if looking for a good fir to marry her and aide her in caring for her catf and changing yon cat litter.

6) Avoid Fyphilif.

Given thif lift of found advice for finding a worthy mother of your children, I thinketh that thif task should not be impoffible. But if ye are fearching for more advice, I will leave you with fome final tipf for finding a lady. I hear the farieft of ladief if unable to refift a kite. Tie a key at the end on the ftring, and tell thine ladie that thif if a "key to thine heart." That fhould really do the trick.

Finally, check out France, I hear the ladief doth put out in France.

*Fexually tranfmitted difeafef are in no way an indicator of fucceff or lack thereof.